Expressing Gratitude for the Butterfly Light Award Nomination

Happy Sunday, fellow bloggers. Going through my comments, I find that I have been nominated for the Butterfly Light Award by my friend Deanie Humphrys-Dunne, author of award-winning children’s book Tails of Sweetbriar.

Conditions For Accepting The Award

Here are the conditions for accepting the award :

1. You must write an acceptance post, making sure you link back to the blogger who awarded you and thank them. You MAY NOT lump this award in with a batch of other awards.

2. You must individually name and re-award to a minimum of 1 blogger. You must let them know either personally with a comment on their blog OR a pingback.

3. You must link back to Belinda’s blog either to http://idiotwriting.wordpress.com/2014/03/13/i-love-charismatic-geeks/ OR http://idiotwriting.wordpress.com/about/

4. You must write a short paragraph entitled either “How I’m Spreading Light” OR “How I’m A Positive Influence”

5. Display Belinda’s lovely “Butterfly Light Award” badge on your blog.

Thanks so much, Deanie for thinking of me for this Award! It is a special one and I will treat it as such. 🙂 I’m so blessed to be able to call you my friend.

How I’m a Positive Influence

I am a positive influence by offering the best advice I can to the younger generation. Back when I was still working as an EMT, I had countless ‘kids’ who were either EMTs or paramedics half my age that came to me for advice, both personal and job related. It took me over a year of therapies after my bleed to be able to slowly start my blogging and writing adventure. I look at my WordPress site and still don’t know what half the doohickeys do, but I’ll learn. After a handful of recent heart-wrenching losses, I’m researching sites and resources, so I can make them available to others. I’ve picked up many other things along the way and share what I’ve learned freely. I believe in paying it forward; I promote other writers and artists works, so others can do the same.

I consider this to be a very special Award, and because of that, I am only nominating one blogger for it:

Jo Murphey-THE MURPHEY SAGA has inspired, motivated and, at times invisibly knocked sense back into my head whenever I would have a ‘woe is me’ day. Her Sunday stroke posts are especially helpful. I subscribe to her blog by email and read it always. I know how busy she is and don’t expect her to be able to follow the rules and guidelines required for accepting this Award. I wouldn’t be surprised if she did, though; at the end of her posts, she always ends with: “Nothing is impossible with determination.” Her faith, determination, and motivation helps fuel mine. I love her! 😀

Please be sure to check out this link:
http://idiotwriting.wordpress.com/about/

Until next post, hugs!

 

 

More Devastation and Loss. Enough is Enough!

Whenever I come back to blogging and writing after dealing with medical issues, events, and personal losses, I get hit with more devastation.  

Within the past two weeks, I have lost two people very dear to me in different ways, from the same killer – the hemorrhagic stroke. First, I am now in Puerto Rico, where we put my ex-girlfriend’s brother Petie, to rest yesterday afternoon. When he didn’t show up for work the night of the 11th, co-workers kept calling him because it was unlike him to miss a shift. They called til his mailbox was full. His sister did the same when morning came.

It was two brothers and one sister, always looking out for each other long distance. She called consistently on the 12th, until someone answered his phone. The person on the other end was an NYPD lieutenant who broke the news to her. An autopsy was required because of his age (46), and on the 14th, the ME determined the cause as a brain hemorrhage.

Being there for me during my darkest hour, I felt that the only right thing to do as a friend, was be there for her. I loved Petie in a special way. We understood each other when it came to his sister. There was a wake in NJ for family, friends and co-workers on the 15th; we flew with his flight to Puerto Rico the 16th, had an all day wake the 17th til 10pm, and finally last viewing, church and burial, yesterday. What a week it’s been.

Two days after losing Petie, I lost a former co-worker who also suffered a hemorrhagic while sleeping. I remember working many shifts with him on over- nights. Between all the sick and injured calls we took, we always made time for some humor. One thing I knew about him was his history: hypertension. When I heard, the first question I asked was if he had still been taking care of himself. The answer was a resounding ‘Yes’. I hadn’t seen him much since my illness and the last I’d heard, he’d just recently (within the past 2-3 months) moved to Florida with his partner to start a new life. Though he passed in Florida, most of his family, friends and former co-workers still live in NJ, so he was being flown back for viewing, mass and burial. Unfortunately, I can’t pay my last respects to my friend and co-worker because I won’t be back from PR until next week. Thinking back over the past three years, out of four people who’ve had hemorrhagic strokes that I’ve known well, myself included, I’m the sole survivor. It’s hard to swallow, especially knowing that hemorrhagic strokes are the least common, with the highest mortality rate, of the two types. It makes me question why I was spared. Do I have a life mission? I know I’ve touched on this briefly in a earlier post or two, but it is really hitting me hard now.

I love writing. I say it all the time and I try focusing on it every chance I get. I ask myself sometimes too, if that’s one of the reasons death escaped me; so I could write about the killer that is a stroke: both ischemic and hemorrhagic. Am I supposed to be an advocate for those who can no longer speak for themselves? For those who left this world before their time? Or for those who think it can never happen to them and don’t take care of themselves the way they should? I don’t know. But I know that I am going to start something or somewhere along those lines. Everyone that has died was younger than 50. Younger than me. Enough is enough. There is too much loss going on and it’s got to stop. I’ve had my blog for over a year and I love it. I write it under a pen name; always have. Dont know if I will much longer. I used it because I wasn’t really comfortable sharing my story or being myself, bearing my naked soul for the world to see. I wasn’t ready. Now, I don’t care anymore.

Heck, for my fiction, I might just keep the pen name since I have authors to help when their new books come out, reviews that I’ve promised to make and writing that I need to complete. Everyone already knows me as Lilica/Lily or some variation of the two. Works for me…plus, I like it.  🙂

I’m lucky to be alive. Period. Maybe next post I’ll formally introduce myself. I don’t know anyone who’d write a memoir under a pen name. That being said,

I have no more free time to give devastation and loss that has infiltrated my life and tried to suck me dry. Get the hell out of my way; I’ve got shit to do.      LE Blake

That’s all for today, my dear friends. I’m here. I’m strong. I’m determined. Most of all, I’m just pissed.

 

http://www.merckmanuals.com/home/brain_spinal_cord_and_nerve_disorders/stroke_cva/hemorrhagic_stroke.html http://www.strokeassociation.org/STROKEORG/AboutStroke/TypesofStroke/Types-of-Stroke_UCM_308531_SubHomePage.jsp http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/symptoms-of-a-hemorrhagic-stroke http://jomurphey.blogspot.com/

Daily Prompt – Careless Whisper

It happens: sometimes that filter in our head bursts and we say too much of what we’re thinking and someone gets hurt. Tell us about a time you or someone you know said something that they immediately regretted.

This will be a quick post, but when I saw the subject, I couldn’t help it. The most embarrassing thing I will NEVER forget and immediately regretted, happened about seven months after I came out of the hospital and I was spending a few days with a friend.

My speech was much better, though I was still having a lot of problems with focus, and especially, my filter. Things would come out of my mouth before I could stop them, because before the bleed, I was able to control this function.  On one of these days we go to her parents house for a small barbecue and her brother was there. He is 14 at the time and of very thin build, yet his nickname is ‘Macho’.

We are all enjoying ourselves immensely and the parents are amazing with me, teaching me how to tell people off in Spanish, even with a stutter. 🙂 At some point during the barbecue, the brother was asked by his father to get something elsewhere from the yard. He told him that he couldn’t do it because whatever it was, was too heavy.

Out of nowhere, I looked up from the burger I was eating and said “I wanna know how in the world you got a nickname like Macho.” Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at me in stunned silence for a second. I knew after a few seconds that I screwed up. All of a sudden ‘Papi’, as my friend calls him, burst out laughing and said something like they didn’t know either, but he had been the only boy out of four children…so they had hoped for the best.

In the end, it was all fine because they understood. Obviously, it took me a lot longer to get over, because socially awkward moments like that could happen to me at any time, any place. Thankfully, two and a half years later, I am about 80% in control of my “filter”, so it is unlikely that I will say anything unintentional unless I am exhausted, overwhelmed or extremely stressed out.

So, yeah, that was easily my most embarrassing moment in recent history. Until next post… later.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/03/08/daily-prompt-careless-whisper/

Is It March Already? Way Too Many Things Going On.

How are all my blogger friends doing this fine March day? As for me, it is I dunno, about 14 degrees outside and I’m doing everything possible to stay warm.  Between my backyard squirrel and I, we’ve prayed for Spring to hurry on up and get here already, because the cold wreaks havoc on my body when it comes to pain control.  As far as everything else goes, I have, for the most part, been a good girl. I’ve kept up with editing (well, it’s been more like tearing apart) my WIP, reviewing some recently read books that I plan on posting soon, working on blog posts in advance covering the next two weeks or so (uh-huh, go figure), and trying to keep myself as healthy as possible despite the tension and stress I’m under about my employer. That, my friends, is a long, drawn out and totally messed up story. Let’s just say that they did me wrong in the worst possible way. Have no fear though, for those of you that have known me and followed me for any length of time, Lily here is a fighter and what’s right is right. Period. In the meantime, they have “graciously” (can you hear my sarcasm?) offered to re-instate my benefits and give me a one time only extension of medical leave, in which, if I don’t come back to work at the end of it, whenever that will be (since they haven’t yet enlightened me with any details), I will definitely be terminated without further.

There are several problems with that offer and I cannot go into it here in my blog post at this time, but I will say that I am looking forward to taking care of what needs to be taken care of. I will, however, print what I CAN say…I spent many years serving and do not take kindly to being thrown aside without so much as notice (verbal or written). Since my bleed, the only thing that really kept me going was the promise that I had a job waiting for me when I was cleared by a doctor to do some kind of work, whether it was part-time or full-time. It didn’t matter. That was what gave me hope and brought me happiness. I was promised and told that my job was secure. Now, don’t get me wrong. Everyone knew, myself included, that I would never work the street again. That’s just common sense. I was offered security. For this post, I can’t go any further into detail.

I went to the doctor on Jan. 30 because I had been unwell for weeks and dropping weight, having little appetite, always in pain and just plain tired.  I found out then that my insurance coverage was terminated. I was a mess; the crying, the bad speech, the stuttering, it all came out right there in the doctor’s office. The only thing I was spared was a seizure. That is no bueno in my book. Needless to say, I paid for that visit out-of-pocket, and have been on a mission since. I’ve kept busy to fight any depression that tries to find its way to me. I know how easily it can sneak in and overtake my life.  All of my meds, my blood work and the labs he ordered for the next day all had to be paid out-of-pocket (almost $500 in two days). I have put off the rest of my doctor’s appointments until this month, which is when my Medicare takes effect.

It’s funny, I’ve finally been able to catch up on some of my writing, editing, blogging and reviewing, but now I’ve got to catch up on all of my doctor’s appointments since they’ve all pretty much gone into the crapper since the last visit I went to in January, but at least my problem wasn’t a major one. The medication I’ve been given, generic Synthroid, seems to be working.

I’m done with my rant, really. For today, anyway. I just want to remind everyone again how much you all mean to me and how much I’ve always thought of you all, even when I was away from my computer. It’s good knowing very few of you have abandoned me. Until next post, love you guys!

It’s Good to be Back! Happy Belated Blogiversary to Me!!

Hey to all my beloved blog buddies! I’m back to blogging, a little at a time, because I’ve missed you all so much. I’ve missed the writing, the interactions, the comments, and community. I haven’t been well for the past couple of months, dropping weight and eating little. Luckily, my testing shows that everything looks pretty good except for a bit of a thyroid issue. So, in addition to my usual meds, I’m taking something for my thyroid as well. It seems to be working. My appetite is coming back, I’m not feeling as run down since I’ve been on them and I don’t suffer the constant feeling between hot and cold.

For a while, I was really beginning to worry. I’d been neglecting even my everyday writing, which I rarely did, even when I took breaks from blogging. A couple of weeks ago I had my first anniversary of blogging and wasn’t even up to celebrating. So I guess this is my happy to be back, belated blogiversary post with balloons and cake! 🙂 I know I left off a couple of months back with my ‘series’ on Coming clean about my stroke. I suppose I’ll continue telling it, but it seems like it’s been so long since I’ve posted it in its parts, that I may just continue talking about it in general; or if you guys would prefer me to continue posting the series in parts, please let me know in the comments or email.

I’d really like to know. It’s going to take me a little while to get back into the swing of things, but you have all been so patient with me and the outpouring of love I get is unreal. Most importantly, I have to thank my BFF, Marilyn Parel,

My best friend’s page: On Becoming a Writer

for picking up some of the slack for me, because she has been great (and is continuing to be great) by posting on my blog at least once a week. You can find her  by clicking on the image to the left. Anyhow, my darling BFF will probably continue to post once a week for me until I get into a regular routine again. I’m aiming to post at least once a week to start, while going back to my WIP. While I was under the weather, I WAS able to get a lot of reading done, so I’m thinking of posting some book reviews on the blog too. I’m curious about what you guys think of that. I sometimes post reviews on Amazon or Goodreads, but not always. Any suggestions would be awesome. It’ll help me get my focus back.

Just typing up this post is making me feel like a million bucks, so I have a feeling I’m going to be back with a vengeance soon enough. That being said, Happy Blogiversary to Me, I love and miss you guys and until next post… Nighty Night. Lily