Is It March Already? Way Too Many Things Going On.

How are all my blogger friends doing this fine March day? As for me, it is I dunno, about 14 degrees outside and I’m doing everything possible to stay warm.  Between my backyard squirrel and I, we’ve prayed for Spring to hurry on up and get here already, because the cold wreaks havoc on my body when it comes to pain control.  As far as everything else goes, I have, for the most part, been a good girl. I’ve kept up with editing (well, it’s been more like tearing apart) my WIP, reviewing some recently read books that I plan on posting soon, working on blog posts in advance covering the next two weeks or so (uh-huh, go figure), and trying to keep myself as healthy as possible despite the tension and stress I’m under about my employer. That, my friends, is a long, drawn out and totally messed up story. Let’s just say that they did me wrong in the worst possible way. Have no fear though, for those of you that have known me and followed me for any length of time, Lily here is a fighter and what’s right is right. Period. In the meantime, they have “graciously” (can you hear my sarcasm?) offered to re-instate my benefits and give me a one time only extension of medical leave, in which, if I don’t come back to work at the end of it, whenever that will be (since they haven’t yet enlightened me with any details), I will definitely be terminated without further.

There are several problems with that offer and I cannot go into it here in my blog post at this time, but I will say that I am looking forward to taking care of what needs to be taken care of. I will, however, print what I CAN say…I spent many years serving and do not take kindly to being thrown aside without so much as notice (verbal or written). Since my bleed, the only thing that really kept me going was the promise that I had a job waiting for me when I was cleared by a doctor to do some kind of work, whether it was part-time or full-time. It didn’t matter. That was what gave me hope and brought me happiness. I was promised and told that my job was secure. Now, don’t get me wrong. Everyone knew, myself included, that I would never work the street again. That’s just common sense. I was offered security. For this post, I can’t go any further into detail.

I went to the doctor on Jan. 30 because I had been unwell for weeks and dropping weight, having little appetite, always in pain and just plain tired.  I found out then that my insurance coverage was terminated. I was a mess; the crying, the bad speech, the stuttering, it all came out right there in the doctor’s office. The only thing I was spared was a seizure. That is no bueno in my book. Needless to say, I paid for that visit out-of-pocket, and have been on a mission since. I’ve kept busy to fight any depression that tries to find its way to me. I know how easily it can sneak in and overtake my life.  All of my meds, my blood work and the labs he ordered for the next day all had to be paid out-of-pocket (almost $500 in two days). I have put off the rest of my doctor’s appointments until this month, which is when my Medicare takes effect.

It’s funny, I’ve finally been able to catch up on some of my writing, editing, blogging and reviewing, but now I’ve got to catch up on all of my doctor’s appointments since they’ve all pretty much gone into the crapper since the last visit I went to in January, but at least my problem wasn’t a major one. The medication I’ve been given, generic Synthroid, seems to be working.

I’m done with my rant, really. For today, anyway. I just want to remind everyone again how much you all mean to me and how much I’ve always thought of you all, even when I was away from my computer. It’s good knowing very few of you have abandoned me. Until next post, love you guys!

It’s Good to be Back! Happy Belated Blogiversary to Me!!

Hey to all my beloved blog buddies! I’m back to blogging, a little at a time, because I’ve missed you all so much. I’ve missed the writing, the interactions, the comments, and community. I haven’t been well for the past couple of months, dropping weight and eating little. Luckily, my testing shows that everything looks pretty good except for a bit of a thyroid issue. So, in addition to my usual meds, I’m taking something for my thyroid as well. It seems to be working. My appetite is coming back, I’m not feeling as run down since I’ve been on them and I don’t suffer the constant feeling between hot and cold.

For a while, I was really beginning to worry. I’d been neglecting even my everyday writing, which I rarely did, even when I took breaks from blogging. A couple of weeks ago I had my first anniversary of blogging and wasn’t even up to celebrating. So I guess this is my happy to be back, belated blogiversary post with balloons and cake! 🙂 I know I left off a couple of months back with my ‘series’ on Coming clean about my stroke. I suppose I’ll continue telling it, but it seems like it’s been so long since I’ve posted it in its parts, that I may just continue talking about it in general; or if you guys would prefer me to continue posting the series in parts, please let me know in the comments or email.

I’d really like to know. It’s going to take me a little while to get back into the swing of things, but you have all been so patient with me and the outpouring of love I get is unreal. Most importantly, I have to thank my BFF, Marilyn Parel,

My best friend’s page: On Becoming a Writer

for picking up some of the slack for me, because she has been great (and is continuing to be great) by posting on my blog at least once a week. You can find her  by clicking on the image to the left. Anyhow, my darling BFF will probably continue to post once a week for me until I get into a regular routine again. I’m aiming to post at least once a week to start, while going back to my WIP. While I was under the weather, I WAS able to get a lot of reading done, so I’m thinking of posting some book reviews on the blog too. I’m curious about what you guys think of that. I sometimes post reviews on Amazon or Goodreads, but not always. Any suggestions would be awesome. It’ll help me get my focus back.

Just typing up this post is making me feel like a million bucks, so I have a feeling I’m going to be back with a vengeance soon enough. That being said, Happy Blogiversary to Me, I love and miss you guys and until next post… Nighty Night. Lily

Coming Clean About My Stroke-Part6

So, I’m finally back after taking a brief two-week hiatus. I apologize for that. I’ve done most of my catching-up, but not all. I will catch up by the end of the week. It is now time for me to continue to the last few parts of my Series posts. There should be no more than three or four after this that will bring you to up to speed about how I’m doing physically, medically, emotionally and psychologically in my life today.

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The days after Christmas flew by. I was doing extremely well and, as I mentioned in Part 5, I graduated from the ‘Buzz-master’, as it affectionately came to be called. I was walking around more confidently with my walker, maneuvering the corridors like a pro. I did well on shower days and was able to wash myself with little to no assistance (of course, sitting on the shower chair). The only problem with shower days was the excruciating pain when the water hit any part of my left side. It was like fire. I was on Neurontin at the time because the doctor said it would help my ‘nerve pain’. I would take it at night before bed. At first it knocked me out. That’s about it. More on that another time.

I continued to kick butt in all my therapies. The therapists even went so far as to order my home supplies (port-o-potty-for those “I don’t think I can make it moments” (yeah, I know), shower chair, my very own walker). This development, of course, gave me hope that I would be going home in time for New Year’s, which was only a few days away. The doctor had a meeting with my case worker, my nurses, and all my therapists, and they all felt that even though I was progressing extremely quickly and doing very well, they were not comfortable enough with me going home in time for New Year’s. They all felt I needed a little more inpatient rehab time. I was upset, but not hysterically so. While I wanted to go home, I knew I still had work to do, so I didn’t fight it. I kept doing what I had to do; since the house I live in has a few stairs, that’s one thing I always did in PT, up and down the stairs.

Same in OT.  I did a great job overall, especially when it came to anything having to do with daily living – hair, teeth, shower, etc. Getting dressed wasn’t too bad as long as I wore big shirts (couldn’t lift left arm, compromise)  and tanks instead of bras (same). I could put on loose-fitting socks and pants, but I’d have to be sitting  in bed for socks and lying down for pants. It was a lot of work. I had the most trouble with the little things, buttoning small buttons, fishing out little items from the putty ball with my left hand, things like that. Although they gave me some trouble, I was able to take some of the items they gave me and work on them in my room and on my bed.

I know my precious Lhasa Apso Sophie came to visit me between Christmas and New Year’s. I love that hairy little thing so much! I don’t know what I’d do without her. She came one of the family visits. The rehab hospital allowed it every so often.

ST was giving me the most trouble. It wasn’t that I couldn’t communicate; for the most part, I could be understood clearly. My problem was my inability to find my words, to pull them out of my brain when I needed them. The problem was my inability to have simple conversations where there is a ‘change’ or a ‘conflict’ of some sort. It’s almost like in the books and stories we write. Once the ‘conflict’ came in, I couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t focus, would become extremely flustered, would stutter so bad that you couldn’t understand what I was saying and would get to the point of frustration that I would burst into tears and shut down. Yup, I was going to need some work.

New Year’s Eve came and after a couple of morning therapies, the rest of the day was mine. Everyone I knew was working. I spoke to my daughter, my son-in-law and some close friends. I read a little, watched some TV, and practiced make-believe checkbook balancing and math problems. Then I watched some more TV. I think there were even some marathons going. I know I probably watched.  It had already been decided that everyone was going to do their own thing for New Year’s 2012, whether it was work, party, stay home or whatever.  I figured I was just going to watch TV and the countdown like I did when I was a kid. I didn’t even make it to the ball drop.

All of a sudden, it’s morning, it’s a new year, and I made it! Sweet. It’s a holiday and I’ve got the day all to myself and I plan; I plan for all the changes I’m going to make in 2012 and beyond. Why? Because I’m still alive. It’s now 2012 and by the grace of God, I’m still here. So, obviously, I have things to do…right?

I’m sorry Part 6 took me so long to get out to you, so I’ve already started on Part 7. Until next post, love you guys. And yes, I have a couple of between posts due; nothing like playing catchup is there? Hugs.

Related articles

• Coming Clean About My Stroke-Part5 (lilicasplace.com)
• Coming Clean About My Stroke-Part4 (lilicasplace.com)

Coming Clean About My Stroke-Part5

After the entire fall incident, things began to fall into place. I had a routine to follow, which was important for me then. I had Physical Therapy (PT) and Occupational Therapy (OT) four times a week, Speech Therapy (ST) three times a week and Recreational Therapy (RT) twice a week. I did exceptionally well in PT. By my third day, I was able to stand between the parallel bars and walk half way across and back. My left foot dragged a bit, but at least I could get her to move. I kept forgetting about my left arm and she kept hanging back. My PT would tap me and remind me to ‘bring her along’.  My right arm would dutifully come around and drag my left arm forward to bring her up to speed.

My speech also improved, although it was still my most frustrating therapy. The inability to find my words, my constant stuttering, the feeling of being overwhelmed, and the inclination to cry when asked simple questions began to slowly diminish. I didn’t notice it until a few sessions in, when my ST pointed out that I had answered a question and did not cry; or I did such and such exercise without a hint of a stutter. It was a hell of a breakthrough for me; at least I knew people were understanding what I was saying to them.

Same thing in OT. We worked a lot on ‘daily living’ things: folding clothes, zipping zippers, buttoning buttons, etc. This was in addition to dressing, washing, brushing hair and teeth. They always focused on working my left hand and arm because that’s where my deficit is.

One thing I was notorious for, was clutching utensils in my left hand (or any other item–pens, pencils, mini-lotion bottles, etc) without even realizing it. Some days coming back from meals,  aides or therapists would notice and have to take it out of my hand with a bit of force. I was just unable to let go, even though I willed my hand to. The staff caught on quick though. Every night before I went to bed, my assigned aide would go through my bed. Sure enough, by the time she was done, she had a handful of spoons, forks, straws, body lotion, and rolled up paper in her hand.  🙂

It was a lot of work, but I progressed nicely. I always looked forward to RT. I was always allowed to choose what we were going to work on. Since I wanted badly to be ‘normal’ again, I would pick games that required thinking skills like Scrabble, which I used to be really good at. Of all the times we played, I may have won one game; but it was a sweet victory. It was near the end of my stay.

In my down time I used to watch TV or read magazine that visitors bought me while I was in the hospital. Christmas was only days away, so I had visitors come see me while I was in rehab too. It was nice having the people I love and care about around me. A neighborhood family volunteers every year at the rehab center to sing holiday carols and popular songs in the lobby on Christmas Eve. I advised the floor nurse that I’d wanted to go, so when they were ready to start, a volunteer came up and wheeled me down to the lobby. It was a girl, her father and her grandfather. Three generations with their own little band. They played everything from Silent Night to Bad, Bad Leroy Brown. It was amazing.

My family came on Christmas Day to see me and visiting hour rules were ‘ignored’ by the staff on my floor. I was grateful for that. As much as the staff tried to bring holiday cheer to us, it just wasn’t the same. It just made me itch to want to go home even more. Every time the doctor came by, I asked him how long it would be before he thought I’d be ready to go home and do my PT, OT and ST on an outpatient basis.  His answer was always, ‘Let’s give it a few more days’. I hated that answer.

Over the next few days, I busted my butt and worked really hard on my PT. I had graduated from using the wheelchair all the time to using the walker from my room to the lunch area or PT/OT, which were right down the hall. (I still had to sit in my wheelchair for further distances, like ST). I would be out of inpatient rehab as soon as humanly possible.

If I couldn’t do it for New Year’s, well then as soon after as I could,

That’s all I’ve got for this Part, I should have Part 6 up some time next week,

Until then, love you guys!

Related articles

• Coming Clean About My Stroke-Part 2 (lilicasplace.com)
• Coming Clean About My Stroke-Part3 (lilicasplace.com)
• Coming Clean About My Stroke-Part4 (lilicasplace.com)

I Think I’m Ready

A few people have asked me about my stroke and for the longest time, it was something I didn’t speak of freely unless it was to people directly involved; doctors, family, and close friends; and even to them I’ve left out a lot of intimate details of what I’ve FELT during this journey to recovery. I’ve talked about it in pretty clinical terms with everyone. Now is as good a time as any to just get it all out there. A very wise Aloha man told me once that when I was ready, I would be able to share. I’m going to do my best; although this is going to take several blog posts. I’m thinking at least four. But before I get into all of that, I think it’s important for me to discuss some events that occurred a few months before my bleed.  I guess this is my warm-up post.

I worked EMS for over a decade. In August of 2011, I ruptured my right ACL at work. I was out on Comp until I was to have surgery. I mention it so everyone is aware that I was already out of work when everything transpired.

When I used to work doubles and triples. I used a pic where I looked the most tired!!  🙂

THREE MONTHS PRIOR TO HEMORRHAGE (May or may not have been important. I will never know.)

On September 23, 2011, I was driving my roommate’s vehicle to the local convenience store (roughly 1145pm), when I was struck from behind by a speeding drunk driver. He was driving so fast that my roommate’s car wasn’t enough impact to keep him from striking the vehicle in front of me. We both hit it, according to witnesses. It caused a chain reaction; six cars were involved.

My airbags deployed, struck my face. Took out the driver’s side window with my head. Fractured my L2,3 and 4 in my lower back and sprained various muscles and bruised anything and everything in between. The car was a total loss. I was taken to the local hospital. X-rays were taken and I was given a CT scan of my head that came out CLEAN. I was admitted two days for observation and the simple fact that I couldn’t get up off the bed because of the pain in my back.

State Troopers came to the hospital for information from me and advised me that the driver was arrested. He was over twice the legal drinking limit. I was also told that I should consider myself lucky. When my vehicle was struck, the back seat (it was a Tracker, so it’s one long seat) unhinged and popped up, creating a barrier for the front. Had the barrier not been there, the Trooper told me he did not think I would have left the scene. When I saw the car a few days later, I understood exactly what he meant.

After my two-day stint at the hospital, I was given a back brace, some pain medications and told to follow-up with my doctor. That is exactly what I did. I was also referred for more physical therapy. Surgery for my knee was pushed back nearly a month since I wasn’t able to lay on my back and I continued going to physical therapy for both my knee and my back,  and hand (also injured).

It was business as usual for a while. I had my knee surgery performed on October 19th, 2011. Don’t quote me, but I believe that’s the date. It was same day surgery. I was given all the equipment and instructions I would need to help me get through the first week until I started physical therapy the following. It went well considering I was in pain a lot of time. All I knew that I had already been out of work for over two and a half months and I was desperate to go back. Plus, the holidays were coming! 🙂

This was just a brief summary of what went on the last few months before I got sick. I’m going to start my purging with my next post. I think I’m going to call it Coming Clean About My Stroke-Part1. And I suppose the posts after that will be Parts2 through whatever until I get it out of my system.

It’s time. Love you guys!