Writing 101-Day 4-Write About a Loss

Hello bloggers, I’m here, trudging along, still trying to play catch-up. This is my Day 4 post…Yikes, talk about late!

Write about a loss: something (or someone) that was part of your life, and isn’t any more. Today’s twist: Make today’s post the first in a three-post series.

I’ve had so many in my life that I can’t even count them all. Some were huge, some were small, some were sad, and some I have to shake off and say to myself, just keep it moving. Because of the topic, I’m going to skip the twist and keep it as a stand alone post.

I know a few of you know about my most recent loss, Pete. He was the brother of an ex-girlfriend. He passed away in March from an intra-cranial hemorrhage that he probably didn’t even see coming. Of four people I’ve lost to hemorrhages of some kind over the past 18 months, Pete’s affected me the most.

He was like a brother, except we got along ALL the time. 😀 He was always coming to my defense and sticking up for me, especially after my brain injury. Just thinking about him makes me want to cry, but I won’t. He’s the handsome young man you see in the photo to your left. He was only 46 years old.

Throughout my recovery, I always wondered why I was spared. I questioned myself, God, the Universe, my friends, my doctors and neuro-psychologist, and always got different answers. A few people went so far as to tell me to consider myself “lucky” to be alive. Depending on how bad my pain is on any given day, I do consider myself lucky, and am grateful to be alive. However, I can do without the added dose of survivor’s guilt, thank you friends.

It dawned on me that so few people truly understand what survivors of traumatic brain injuries (TBI) go through, that Pete’s death gave me the push I needed to start another blog that will focus on my life post hemorrhage and stroke (I suffered both; the ischemic stroke happened during surgery for the ruptured aneurysm). At the same time, I want it to be a place of comfort where survivors, their caregivers, their family and friends can go to find resources and information that might be of benefit to them, even if it’s just for an understanding ear that will listen.

The blog is still in its infancy and there is so much that still needs to be done, but I’m already working on many of the pages and have sorted a lot of my research into piles that I just need to get typed in and categorized. This is where I need to familiarize myself a little better with the bells and whistles of my WP.

Though Pete is gone physically, he will always be in my heart, and he is now my inspiration for continuing to forge ahead and become a better me. I love and miss you, Pete. Thank you for always believing in me.

 

 

For The Family of Someone Like a Brother…Any Help Appreciated.

Hello to all my beloved blogger friends. I hope everything is going well for you all today. Things have picked up for me as well. As I mentioned in my last blog post, I received the Dragon Loyalty Award which I humbly accepted, but I have some other positive news I will share a little later.

This post is not about me though. Remember how I mentioned losing my close friend Petie to a brain hemorrhage and flying out to Puerto Rico for his burial with his sister after the wake in NJ? Those expenses were nearly $10,000.00, if not more, and we have come to find that Pete did not have any life insurance or real savings. While the family was able to raise some of the money, they fell short. Fortunately, the funeral services involved on both ends are willing to work with the family so they can pay off the debt.

You all know that I’ve lost several people since I started this blog, but Pete was like a brother to me. I can’t even express to anyone how much I already miss him. The thought of how much more burden his family has to bear with the added financial expenses makes me insane. I’ve never reached out for anyone else the way I’m reaching out now. That’s how much I love him and his family.

I’ve started a fundraising effort at GoFundMe to try raising some of the money still needed to completely payoff the debt. I did so after consulting with his sister, who is, by nature, a very private person. I assured her that the writing and blogging community was a family in and of itself and I would do so with the utmost respect. I donated at the wake, and was the first to give at GoFundMe. Any donation would be appreciated, if only a dollar. I know times are hard for us all, trust me. If you are unable to give to the fund, I have faith that my great friends here will still help by sharing this with other bloggers and writers.

I have included the link here .

Thank you all so very much for always being there. Please Re-blog and Re-tweet, if you can. Love you guys.

More Devastation and Loss. Enough is Enough!

Whenever I come back to blogging and writing after dealing with medical issues, events, and personal losses, I get hit with more devastation.  

Within the past two weeks, I have lost two people very dear to me in different ways, from the same killer – the hemorrhagic stroke. First, I am now in Puerto Rico, where we put my ex-girlfriend’s brother Petie, to rest yesterday afternoon. When he didn’t show up for work the night of the 11th, co-workers kept calling him because it was unlike him to miss a shift. They called til his mailbox was full. His sister did the same when morning came.

It was two brothers and one sister, always looking out for each other long distance. She called consistently on the 12th, until someone answered his phone. The person on the other end was an NYPD lieutenant who broke the news to her. An autopsy was required because of his age (46), and on the 14th, the ME determined the cause as a brain hemorrhage.

Being there for me during my darkest hour, I felt that the only right thing to do as a friend, was be there for her. I loved Petie in a special way. We understood each other when it came to his sister. There was a wake in NJ for family, friends and co-workers on the 15th; we flew with his flight to Puerto Rico the 16th, had an all day wake the 17th til 10pm, and finally last viewing, church and burial, yesterday. What a week it’s been.

Two days after losing Petie, I lost a former co-worker who also suffered a hemorrhagic while sleeping. I remember working many shifts with him on over- nights. Between all the sick and injured calls we took, we always made time for some humor. One thing I knew about him was his history: hypertension. When I heard, the first question I asked was if he had still been taking care of himself. The answer was a resounding ‘Yes’. I hadn’t seen him much since my illness and the last I’d heard, he’d just recently (within the past 2-3 months) moved to Florida with his partner to start a new life. Though he passed in Florida, most of his family, friends and former co-workers still live in NJ, so he was being flown back for viewing, mass and burial. Unfortunately, I can’t pay my last respects to my friend and co-worker because I won’t be back from PR until next week. Thinking back over the past three years, out of four people who’ve had hemorrhagic strokes that I’ve known well, myself included, I’m the sole survivor. It’s hard to swallow, especially knowing that hemorrhagic strokes are the least common, with the highest mortality rate, of the two types. It makes me question why I was spared. Do I have a life mission? I know I’ve touched on this briefly in a earlier post or two, but it is really hitting me hard now.

I love writing. I say it all the time and I try focusing on it every chance I get. I ask myself sometimes too, if that’s one of the reasons death escaped me; so I could write about the killer that is a stroke: both ischemic and hemorrhagic. Am I supposed to be an advocate for those who can no longer speak for themselves? For those who left this world before their time? Or for those who think it can never happen to them and don’t take care of themselves the way they should? I don’t know. But I know that I am going to start something or somewhere along those lines. Everyone that has died was younger than 50. Younger than me. Enough is enough. There is too much loss going on and it’s got to stop. I’ve had my blog for over a year and I love it. I write it under a pen name; always have. Dont know if I will much longer. I used it because I wasn’t really comfortable sharing my story or being myself, bearing my naked soul for the world to see. I wasn’t ready. Now, I don’t care anymore.

Heck, for my fiction, I might just keep the pen name since I have authors to help when their new books come out, reviews that I’ve promised to make and writing that I need to complete. Everyone already knows me as Lilica/Lily or some variation of the two. Works for me…plus, I like it.  🙂

I’m lucky to be alive. Period. Maybe next post I’ll formally introduce myself. I don’t know anyone who’d write a memoir under a pen name. That being said,

I have no more free time to give devastation and loss that has infiltrated my life and tried to suck me dry. Get the hell out of my way; I’ve got shit to do.      LE Blake

That’s all for today, my dear friends. I’m here. I’m strong. I’m determined. Most of all, I’m just pissed.

 

http://www.merckmanuals.com/home/brain_spinal_cord_and_nerve_disorders/stroke_cva/hemorrhagic_stroke.html http://www.strokeassociation.org/STROKEORG/AboutStroke/TypesofStroke/Types-of-Stroke_UCM_308531_SubHomePage.jsp http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/symptoms-of-a-hemorrhagic-stroke http://jomurphey.blogspot.com/

Just Gotta Grieve a Little

Thank you my beloved blogger friends for bearing with me these past few days (actually, it has been one week exactly). It has been a horrific one. Not only did the father of a man who is like a brother pass away on the morning of the 10th, I received a call on the 11th that the son of yet another one of my co-workers (2 years younger than my own 25-year-old daughter) was found dead that morning by his father, who had tried to wake him up for work (out-of-state).

I try really hard to keep promises that I make, and I kept looking at my Series posts so I could add to them and just had no words to type. I couldn’t focus. I don’t have it in me to talk about my journey right now. I’m not trying to be selfish at all. I still want to share it with all of you. It’s a journey I’m very proud of, considering where I am now as opposed to where I was. I just need a few more days; as wonderful as you have all been with me since I started this blog, I hope you can understand.

All I’d done for the past week is cry and mourn. I cried for my friend who lost his dad and hasn’t handled the loss well. He could barely function on the day of the wake. Afterwards, I offered my shoulders, my ears and as many hugs as he wanted while we packed his bags for his international flight that would take his dad home to his final resting place.

I cried and mourned for my friend who lost her son so suddenly; I can’t even fathom that loss. I panic at the very thought. Parents are not supposed to outlive their children and yet it happens all too often. This young man left two adorable twins, a little boy and a little girl.  The wake for this young man was the same day as my friend’s dad, so I couldn’t make it; plus it was not in NJ. There was a memorial held yesterday, which I very much wanted to attend. Unfortunately, my body was in a lot of pain the night before and into the next day. I slept fitfully throughout the night and even my friend (another co-worker), who was going to be my ride, didn’t think it was a good idea for me to go. Deep down, I know he’s right because I would have been much less likely to be able to contain my emotions properly, even if my body wasn’t acting up. Plus, I’m a mother; a mother with a daughter only a year older than her son was. No way would I have handled that well. No way at all.

Anyway, thanks for listening today. I’m glad to be back and happy that I was able to ‘grieve’ just a bit here with you. Before I go to bed tonight, I’m going to say some extra prayers and maybe even read a bit from my Bible. Everyday, I realize more and more how much I have to be thankful for.

Until next post, love you guys!

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Please Bear With Me A Few Days

I’m going to keep this post very short and simple today. I just got word last night that father of a very near and dear friend of mine, almost like a brother, passed away last night from a subdural hemorrhage very suddenly.

I’ll be heading to NJ for the next few days to be with him. All I ask are for some prayers and thoughts for his family during this very trying time. I will edit, update and post my due Series and other blog posts within the next 4-5 days. Since you are all so awesome, I’m sure you understand.

Until next post, I love you guys!