Hi, my name is Lily, and I am an extremely insecure writer…
Um, so I should mention that I recently joined what I hear is an awesome writing group called ‘The Insecure Writer’s Support Group’ founded by the wonderful Alex J. Cavanaugh. The Group meets the first Wednesday of every month. If you’re interested in joining, just click on the image below and the image will direct you to Alex’s page to sign up.
I need to get a bit of history out-of-the-way so we can focus on my insecurities as a writer aspect of my post. 🙂 Most, if not all of my followers know that I suffered a stroke in November of 2011. Mine was hemorrhagic in nature; meaning that I ruptured an aneurysm in my brain, causing the excess blood to cause damage to my nerves and tissue. Because of the sudden onset of this type of stroke, mortality rates are usually very high. Fortunately for me, I survived and made tremendous strides in my recovery.
Some of the residual problems (as it pertains to my writing) I still face from time to time are problems with my short-term memory, inability to focus for long periods, finding myself unable to find the right words (even though they are right at the tip of my tongue), and general feelings of frustration and being overwhelmed.
I have read posts by other stroke survivors who I have come to admire for the way they write and how easily their words seem to flow. Towards the end of my speech therapy, my therapist said that I was performing at the highest level possible. I will admit that I still need to practice every so often because when I find myself becoming overwhelmed or flustered, I tend to stutter slightly and find myself unable to find my words.
I think I have become so afraid of failing because of everything that has happened, that I haven’t finished any of my projects. I have several in the works. I even signed up for NaNoWriMo in April. Came close to finishing my word count. Didn’t quite make it. I was practicing for November’s big event. I am full of ideas; they usually come from the weirdest places… My imagination runs wild. It always has. That’s why I’ve loved writing since I was a little girl. It’s why I started this blog; to get out there and fulfill my dream. Whatever it takes, I will do this and so many people have helped me get out of my shell little by little. I need to build up the confidence to finish my projects and hopefully get some good stories out there.
I do a lot of reading on the subject of writing as well and am aware of what writers go through. I understand all about the writer’s block, the stories laying dormant in drawers (or computers in my case) for months or years at a time, and the fear of rejection and ridicule. It’s what I go through all the time.
So, I guess what I’m asking is, am I more irrational than most? Do you think my problems are due to whatever residual effects I had from the stroke or is this what most of you have gone through as writers? I really don’t know. I haven’t personally met any writers to ask. Please be honest. I don’t offend easily as long as you’re not malicious, rude or crude! Lol.
Thank you all for listening and again, my name is Lily and I am an extremely insecure writer…